Just stay calm, the headlights are coming up in the distance very soon. You don’t have long to wait. You can do this. You can do it. Don’t fuck things up more for yourself by trying to impact a collision. It’s much better if you just wait and let the truck pass by naturally, drawing less suspicion for yourself. You don’t need to be a Vanger calamity because you just can’t handle the pressure. She will get you through. Let yourself cry, and just let yourself go. It will all come in good time, you know that. You know.
I understand when the pressures are mounting that you need to just get away, you need to escape down the highway. It will come soon love. So soon. You will have what you need, and the taillights will pass into the distance. I know its not the timing that you wanted, but you cannot let yourself be chased by someone mad, and let that person be yourself. So breathe. Immerse yourself into something and let go of the world. When you wake up, things will be better, and you will know you can handle this. Fuck, you stupid woman, you know you’ve got this. How long have we been doing this to yourself? Long enough to know better and that the time will come. So just calm the fuck down and breathe.
Soon it will be a new year and things can be fresh. And you can start then. Just focus on the headlights, even though they seem so far off, you know that time passes, and the distance can be divided by time. The rate is steady. It is an equation, even if it is one that seems so improbable right now, the mathematics are certain, and the problem will be solved. I know it isn’t what you want, but you have no choice but to be patient. Be patient and breathe. Let her take you in and focus on her mystery. She will soothe your battered soul. Even if it takes 200 cigarettes and a battalion of drink, you will make it. Because this is really not a riddle, even though you’ve tried your hardest to solve it as such. It’s now just a waiting game. Don’t resign when there is a stalemate in your future. It may take a dozen more moves, but it is possible. You can do this. Fucking do this. You cannot win, but you will not lose.
